5 am reflections, vessel in waiting

I'm sitting at my desk looking out my window. It's 5:00 am, and the darkness is just beginning to give way to the first hints of dawn. There's something about these quiet moments before the world wakes up that opens my heart to deeper reflection. As I watch the gradual transition from night to day, it mirrors something deep within my own spiritual journey.

Sometimes I feel so... empty. Like there's this space within me that aches to be filled. I used to think this emptiness was a flaw, something to be fixed or covered up. As I sit here watching the darkness slowly yield to the coming light, I realize something profound about this emptiness inside me.

What if this void isn't a flaw at all? What if it's actually by design?

I've been meditating on this verse from 2 Corinthians about having "treasure in earthen vessels." For the longest time, I felt almost offended by being called an earthen vessel - it seemed so basic, so mundane. But today, I'm seeing it differently. There's something beautiful about being a vessel, about being designed with purpose, about having the capacity to contain something - or rather, Someone - greater than myself.

It's funny how I keep trying to be the treasure when maybe my real glory is in being the vessel that can hold it. Like how my hands can be gentle - but it's not really my gentleness that matters. My gentleness is just the container, the shape, waiting to be filled with His gentleness. When that happens, it's like... it's like the difference between a glove lying lifeless on a table and a glove filled with a living hand.

I'm starting to understand that all these aspects of my personality - my capacity for love, for joy, for patience - they're not just random traits. They're like carefully crafted spaces waiting to be filled. It's both humbling and exciting to think about. Humbling because it reminds me that on my own, I'm just an empty vessel. But exciting because it means I was made with such incredible purpose - to contain and express something divine.

Had a moment of clarity while washing dishes (isn't it funny how these insights often come during the most mundane tasks?): Maybe all my striving to "be better" has been missing the point. Maybe instead of trying to manufacture my own light, I just need to focus on being a better vessel - more open, more available, more willing to be filled.

There's this mystery Paul talks about - "Christ in you, the hope of glory." I always thought of glory as something bright and showy, but maybe true glory is this quiet miracle of being a vessel that can actually contain and express divine life. Like how a tea cup doesn't just hold tea, it gives it shape, makes it accessible, gives it form.

Question to ponder tomorrow: In what areas of my life am I trying to be the treasure instead of simply being a vessel willing to contain it? Where am I striving to generate light instead of just receiving and expressing it?

Note to self: This changes how I see my weaknesses too. Maybe they're not obstacles to overcome but rather opportunities for His strength to be more clearly seen, like how a crack in a clay pot can let more light shine through...