Feeding on Fear

Dear Reader,

Today's reflection in Num. 14:7 -9 talks about Caleb's perspective about "eating the giants" strikes deeply into my chaplaincy work. Looking at the challenges before me:

A client whose trauma work triggers my own unresolved issues
Sessions that sit in heavy silence where I fight the urge to fill the void
The couple whose emotional intensity makes me want to over-structure sessions
A client who questions everything I offer, activating my self-doubt
The cases where progress seems painfully slow or non-existent
These are my Anakim - towering challenges that can feel overwhelming in my chaplaincy care. But what if each difficult case, each heart-wrenching situation, is actually spiritual nourishment in disguise?

I'm thinking of this weeks session with the single mom and 5 children - that moment when I felt completely inadequate before such profound stress. My immediate reaction was to pray for strength to get through it. But what if, instead of just surviving these moments, they're meant to build something deeper in me as a chaplain?

Looking back, haven't my most significant growth moments in ministry come through the cases I thought were beyond me? That first death notification I had to deliver - it shaped my entire approach to pastoral presence. The angry patient who seemed to reject all spiritual comfort - they taught me about sitting with people in their darkness without trying to fix it.

Lord, help me develop Caleb's perspective in my chaplaincy. When I'm called by a client in full on panic, when I face situations where there are no easy answers, when I encounter spiritual distress that seems impenetrable - let me see these not as giants to fear but as opportunities for deeper pastoral formation.

What I'm learning:

That veteran whose moral injury seems beyond healing? Each session is teaching me about the depths of grace
The ethically complex cases when I'm asked a question I'm unsure how to answer? They're developing my ability to hold space for different beliefs and perspectives
The person who is burning out? Their struggles are teaching me about sustainable compassion
My own secondary trauma? It's forcing me to develop better spiritual self-care practices
I'm struck by Caleb's sustained strength into his eighties. In chaplaincy, we often talk about compassion fatigue and burnout. But what if each difficult pastoral encounter, rather than depleting us, could actually strengthen us for long-term ministry? What if the very things that challenge us most are what build sustainable pastoral resilience?

Practical applications for my ministry:

When that sense of inadequacy rises during a difficult pastoral encounter, pause and ask: "What spiritual muscle is this building in me?"
In spiritual assessments, look for ways my "giants" have enriched my ability to understand others' struggles
During debriefing sessions, help others identify the growth their difficulties might be producing
My prayer for this week: Lord, help me see each challenging encounter as spiritual formation. When families are in crisis, when my friends are overwhelmed, when I feel inadequate - remind me that these are not just challenges to overcome but sacred opportunities for deeper chaplain development.

Note to self: Next time I'm called by a client, before taking the call, take a moment to shift my perspective from "This is too much" to "Here comes my food." The complexity and weight of chaplaincy work isn't going to decrease, but maybe it's not meant to. Maybe this is exactly how we develop the pastoral presence our ministry requires.

Until tomorrow

Chaplain Mark