From Scrolling to Soul-ing: A Recovering People-Pleaser's Morning Musings
Dear reader
Scripture Reading: Romans 6:13, 19
"Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness." (v.13)
"Just as you used to offer yourselves as slaves to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer yourselves as slaves to righteousness leading to holiness." (v.19)
Personal Reflection:
It's 5:30 AM, and the house is quiet. I'm sitting in my favorite armchair, coffee in hand, trying to focus on these verses. But if I'm honest, my mind is already racing with today's to-do list. Deep breath. I need to slow down and really let these words sink in.
"Brought from death to life..." That phrase hits home today. Just last week marked five years since I got sober. I remember how dead I felt inside during those dark days of addiction. The shame, the secrecy, the constant battle with myself. Now, five years later, I can truly say I feel alive again. It hasn't been an easy journey, but God's grace has been evident every step of the way.
But even now, I struggle with fully offering myself to God. Old habits die hard. Just yesterday, I caught myself mindlessly scrolling through social media instead of engaging with my kids after dinner. It's not alcohol anymore, but I still find ways to numb out, to avoid being fully present. Is this offering myself as an instrument of righteousness? Hardly.
The word "slave" makes me uncomfortable. In our modern context, it feels wrong. But when I dig deeper, I realize how accurately it describes my relationship with sin in the past. I was enslaved to my addiction, to my need for approval, to my fear of vulnerability. Now, Paul is calling me to transfer that level of devotion to righteousness. It's a daily choice, and some days I choose better than others.
I think about the different parts of myself mentioned in verse 13:
My mind: Still prone to anxious thoughts and self-doubt. But I'm learning to take those thoughts captive, to offer them up to God instead of letting them spiral.
My hands: Capable of so much good, yet often idle or self-serving. I want to use them more intentionally to serve others, to create, to comfort.
My mouth: A constant battleground. Words of encouragement and words of criticism wage war on my tongue daily. I'm trying to be more mindful of the power of my words.
My eyes: Windows to a world of both beauty and temptation. I'm working on training them to see the good, to notice the needs around me.
My heart: Oh, how it wavers. One moment fully devoted, the next distracted and lukewarm. I long for consistency in my affections for God.
Yesterday's struggle was real. Sarah, my coworker, dropped the ball on a project we've been working on for months. I was furious. In the past, I would have lashed out, making sure everyone knew it was her fault. Instead, I stepped away, took a few deep breaths, and prayed. When I approached her later, I was able to express my concerns calmly and even offer support. It wasn't perfect, but it was progress. A small victory in offering myself as an instrument of righteousness.
Prayer:
Father, as I start this new day, I come to You with all my contradictions and inconsistencies. You know me better than I know myself.
I offer You my mind - still muddy with sleep and already cluttered with worries about the day ahead. Clear away the fog, Lord. Help me to fix my thoughts on You.
I offer You my hands - they'll be busy today with emails, meetings, and household chores. May they find moments of sacred pause to fold in prayer, to reach out to someone in need.
I offer You my mouth - guard my speech today, Lord. Let me be quick to encourage and slow to criticize. Help me speak truth in love, even when it's difficult.
I offer You my eyes - sharpen my vision to see beyond the surface. Help me notice the pain behind the smiles, the opportunities to show Your love in small ways.
I offer You my heart - with all its messy emotions and conflicting desires. Align my heart with Yours, even if it means uncomfortable changes.
Thank You for the new life You've given me. I'm still learning what it means to live fully alive in You. Help me to choose righteousness moment by moment today, even when it's hard, even when I stumble.
Until next time
Chaplain Mark